You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
