summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
