Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
