DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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