My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
