oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
