it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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