currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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