I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
