What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
