Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
