Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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