I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My ATM looks so different sober.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
