I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize