question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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