You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
