It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize