We won't sleep together?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize