No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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