if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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