So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
