I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
