every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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