She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
