There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
