I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my shit smells like andre
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
