I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
