I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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