i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
