Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i think i just naturally attract stoners
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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