they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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