Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize