You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my liver is dry heaving
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
