Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
