i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize