well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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