just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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