Porn is love you can see.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
