Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
