How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
