I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
