If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
