arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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