1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
