Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
