no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
