At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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