You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
