It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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