His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
