im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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