can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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