I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
