He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
