ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Too much gin, very little bucket
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
