Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Holy sore nipples Batman
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
