1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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