Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
