I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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