Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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