i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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