Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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