mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
