So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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